3 Things a BoJack Horseman Needs

A BoJack Horseman is probably the most poorly-adjusted equine in the history of popular culture. Despite his wealth, celebrity, and a gang of loyal supporters, he remains knee-deep in existential dread, and, consequently, crisis. It is difficult to pinpoint what keeps BoJack spiralling down.

But, what if this equine only needs three simple things to turn his life around?

Healthy Diet

Food is one of the core needs of organisms from the simplest unicellular lowlifes to evolved creatures like BoJack. But it does not seem like he is getting the right diet he needs. As a horse, BoJack’s digestive system requires regular consumption of small amounts of a high-fibre diet.

This diet could be in the form of calf meal you can buy from providers such as Takanini Feeds, supplemented by salt and minerals, and washed down with fresh, clean water.


Science has proven time and again that exercise increases dopamine production in the brain, which, in turn, improves a person’s happiness quotient. But BoJack is “more horse than a man”. So how can exercise possibly help him?

Here is a catalogue of what BoJack, as a horse, could get from exercise: increased endurance, improved heart and lungs function, improved muscle and bone functions, improved digestive function, and improved immune system.

Also, by way of exercise, BoJack can prevent confinement-related behavioural problems, and, increase his mental alertness, which should be enough for him to combat existential dread.


BoJack is obviously not the most hygienic horse in the yard. In fact, he is prone to no-shower binges. This could be the reason why he is miserable; his sheath is dirty. In fairness to BoJack, as a horse, he cannot reach his sheath and clean it himself. He needs a cleaner to do this important job.

Failure to keep his sheath clean means BoJack is more prone to a host of illnesses compared to, let us say, the more hygienic Secretariat.

A BoJack Horseman has so much to be thankful about. So it is difficult to understand why he chooses to suffer. Now would it not be nice to imagine Bojack happy?